Suggested blog topic – Opening up due to lack of sexual experience

I’ve been reading a few blogs centered around poly couples who married young and relatively sexually inexperienced and then opened up their relationships later on. I would be interested in a blog that discusses whether or not the lack of sexual experiences prior to marriage leads more often or not to opening up a relationship later on.

I’m having a hard time writing about this because my relationship has been open from day one, and neither Luke nor I are lacking in sexual experience. Trying to come at this from an “informed” perspective is difficult, because it’s not like there’s a wealth of information on different kinds of poly relationships. The media is still pretty centered around the fact that there are successful poly relationships at all – not the differences or statistics surrounding them.

Personally, I’m completely torn on whether a lack of sexual experience prior to a relationship would make people more likely to open their relationship later on or not. On the one hand, it seems logical that two people would say, “Wow, we have no experience outside of each other. We love and trust each other, maybe we should experiment a bit to gain some new experiences.” Being allowed to sow your wild oats within the loving acceptance of your marriage? In a logical world, this makes sense to me.

On the other hand, someone who has only been with one person for their entire sexual life may not have a very easy time sharing their partner. The bond there may be so tight, and their lovemaking so intimate, that the thought of sharing that person may seem like contemplating cutting off an arm. There is already a sense of ownership that tends to creep into relationships – I can’t imagine only having been with one person my entire life, and the sense of “oneness” that might come with that.

To me, it seems reasonable that someone who has had numerous sexual partners might be a more likely candidate for polyamory. When you’ve had a lot of sexual partners, you might have a better grasp on the separation of love and sex. It may be easier to realize that your partner is capable of loving you and sleeping with someone else, or developing a relationship with someone else, and that it doesn’t mean s/he doesn’t still love you.

I know that some couples decide they will be monogamous until their foundation is solid, and then discuss opening up later. This seems like a good way to go. But I know a some people who waited too long, and though they want to bring it up being with their partner, how do you do that after several years without it seeming like you’re unhappy? I know a few tortured souls who really are polyamorous at heart, but are afraid to bring it up because they don’t want to hurt their partner.

What have your experiences been? I know several of you who married young, or married the person you lost your virginity to. What was/is that like? Do you wish you had more experiences outside your relationship? For those who are no longer with that first great love, how is your opinion different from how it was back then?

Bit by bit, maybe we can develop our own little research.

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